The best judges of your humility are those in authority over you, rather than your peers or those you consider beneath you. If you cannot trust the opinion or judgment from those in authority over you, you probably need humility.
PDF 
5 Comments
- Leave a Reply
- Subscribe and Share
- Related Posts
Pastor Andy,
You have no idea how well I understand this quote. But when does a Christian father’s verbal abuse of his children warrant an older sibling’s stepping in for the younger siblings or vice versa? Do children ever have any right to ask their father to treat them with gentleness, when all the father believes of gentleness is that it is weakness? We all seek to honor our fathers in the Lord, but what is the course of action when children are bleeding from their father’s words?
Having just read the post from Broken, my heart is rushing out to whoever this is. By now any reply will be so far down the page it likely won’t be seen, but I have to respond. Broken sounds genuinely grieved, very concerned, and desperately seeking an answer. It doesn’t read like a hypothetical.
I do not pretend to have enough wisdom to be qualified to contribute here without invitation. But if I may make a suggestion or two, both Broken and I would surely love to be more soundly counseled.
We know that fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath or emotional frustration. Ephesians 6 tells us we are rather to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, which means among other things that we set a godly example before them. Verbal abuse, whether Dad, Mom or anybody else, is clearly not godly. It is wicked, to be quite blunt and stick to biblical definitions. Colossians 3 tells us that such action is discouraging to children, and therefore by logical extension is detrimental to their spiritual health – indeed, to their very salvation.
Cold, “emotionless” fathers who value an erroneous definition of true Christian manhood (what is desired in a man is kindness) above the scriptural definition of what Christian men are supposed to be, are operating on a threshold of pride, selfishness and gross violation of biblical command. And this is true regardless of their reasoning or excuse: it matters not how their own father did or did not treat them, what their economic status may be, or if they were ever abused by others in their youth. The standard of righteous behavior has been established by the God who reigns over us, and the perfect example has been lived before us in the person of Jesus Christ. Though we can never become perfect in this life, His grace is sufficient for us to overcome major deficits in character and behavior. It is proven over and over again, to His glory.
To cut to the chase and to avoid calling it anything more respectable and politically correct, the real issue here is sin. And someone needs to wisely, kindly and gently, in accordance with I Timothy 5 approach this father with that fact -most especially if this father is a professing Christian. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you for it. And oh yes – as members of Christ’s body we have a duty and an obligation to rebuke one another when and if necessary. This is a fearful thing to consider, perhaps even terrifying to attempt. And though sad to say, I must admit I probably wouldn’t be the first in line to set the mark. But it is what we say we believe.
Broken asked, “do children ever have any right to ask their father to treat them with gentleness” and also posed the question, When is it warranted that an older sibling step in for the protection of younger siblings “or vice versa?” I’d say that age, spiritual maturity and actual personal relationship has a lot to do with that. Since the parties are unknown, who can say? But if Broken is not able to make the approach, then he or she needs to seek pastoral assistance. I was going to say, pastoral intervention, because a true shepherd will answer to his calling in such a situation. Perhaps other good men may be willing to lay down their life for their friend, in this case. But I speak foolishly perhaps, not knowing the parties, specifics and geography involved.
So here’s my first question: if this response is not at all, or is only partially scriptural, then what needs to be corrected? My second, and perhaps greater question is, what can be done for Broken?
Broken,
Mike has written a lengthy response that may be very helpful in understanding that Father’s attitudes and words can be wrong. Just because someone is an authority does not mean they are always right. However, just because someone is wrong does not always take them out of the position of being an authority.
I have been giving your comment a lot of thought the last few days in how I should response. First, I do not like dealing with exceptions in a general sense, but would never ask you to identify yourself in this public forum. So, I will try to share some thoughts that generally apply to dealing with fathers.
1 Timothy 5:1 has been very helpful to me in dealing with similar authority issues. “Do not rebuke an older man, but treat him as you would a father.” From this passage I would like to draw several applications to the situation of Broken.
1. I do not believe that children should look at it as their job to fix there parents. They can pray for their parents, but it is their honoring of their parent that is to be the greatest display of all that is right. This does not mean that would could not with a proper attitude express a concern here or there or ask a question, but we must be careful not to view ourselves as one over them and turn it into rebuke. If you do try to fix your parents I think you will find yourself in constant frustration at home and many times even spiritually.
2. I think Timothy may be able to relate in some fashion to your situation when taught this by Paul. Timothy’s father is not someone we can be sure about by what we are given in Scripture. His mother and grandmother seemed to be the pivotal spiritual influences in his life and then later Paul. Therefore, There is a good chance that what had to deal with in a father were at times ungodly characteristics, yet Paul still presents it as an authority that was not his to rebuke but to respectfully deal with.
3. When and if one defends a younger brother or sister one must be very careful. Even if the older is in a position spiritually to be able to deal with this situation respectfully you may be teaching your younger sibling disrespect and rebellion. It is a hard line where one must use extreme discernment and discretion. I would not suggest it be done in front of the other sibling, but there may be a place to go lovingly and privately to the parent.
In line with some of this is a great article by Russ Moore on whether or not you should get a tattoo. Doesn’t seem like it should apply, but the bulk of the article is not about getting a tattoo but on fulfilling the command to Honor your father and mother.
http://www.russellmoore.com/2010/01/25/should-i-get-a-christian-tattoo-even-if-my-parents-dont-like-it-my-response/
Pastor Andy,
Thank you for your very thoughtful response. Thinking through what you’ve said, I must apologize here for shooting off my mouth prematurely.
While my passions were ignited because of past personal experience and a real sense of compassion for Broken, I see my comments were well off target. Although I’d like to clarify that I was not promoting the idea of the child rebuking the parent – rather that perhaps it was a situation where someone outside of the family might step in, all things being equal (and there’s a long list of qualifying factors there, I know) to help show the father the sinful root of this issue so that further damage and destruction may be avoided.
Your statements on essentially maintaining the structure of divinely established authority are absolutely right-on, and re-reading my own comments I see where I should have stayed out of the discussion in the first place. I also apologize for weighing in before you had made any reply, especially if that moved you to respond before you otherwise would have. I sincerely hope I have not done more harm than good.